why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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