dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
