I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
