His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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