After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
