are you still at the devil's house?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Still dying that you shit outside
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
