not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
