His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
