I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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