dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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