I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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