Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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