So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
