I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
