one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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