The maid of honor just puked.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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