Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
