Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we're so committed to being not committed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
