Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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