Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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