I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize