I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
