you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
