Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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