so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
