Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
