I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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