just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize