i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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