just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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