Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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