when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
