Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do vagina's smell?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
