you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
