Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
