I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
