I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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