WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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