Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
