I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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