how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
