Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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