What a fucking waste of an outfit
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize