You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
