I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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