wrigley field is MILF paradise
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
