PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
