Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
