You made me cry and you don't even care
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
