i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
