I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
