Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
