The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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