He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
