I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize