If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
