I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
