I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize