Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
