You're completely useless in the revolution.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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