I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
