Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
