I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize