so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
