So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
