it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
