Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
