So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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