I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
