bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize