life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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