Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
