what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
