her vagine was all disorganized.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
