I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My cat gives me a boner
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
