she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
