I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
another moral hangover. fuck.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize