We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
