When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize