I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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