Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
