I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
