he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Dicks are not precious.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
