I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
