Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am one with the molecules
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
