Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You dont lie about slip and slides
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
