i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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