I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
