Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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