dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
