oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize