you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Actions speak louder than pants.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
