A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
