I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
