you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
