You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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